Enhance Your Lifestyle With NLP+© Series: Part 14

By: Shantanu Das Sharma, Sr. Associate Editor-ICN Group

Quick recap of what we have covered in Part 13

Evidence of Breaking the Beliefs of the World

Our Beliefs Are Never Absolute Truth!

What You Believe Becomes True for You!

A Perceptual Blind Spot

How You Create Your Beliefs

KOLKATA: How did we form the beliefs that we have today? Majority of them come from modeling the significant people around us – like our parents, teachers and friends. We tend to take on beliefs similar to those people who were most influential in our lives. If our parents believe that they can never be rich, you are likely to take on those beliefs yourself. If you grow up in a family where nobody finished school, then you would likely have a belief that education is difficult or not important. Many of our beliefs also come from our past experiences. Remember, that the beliefs you have are nothing but perceptions and interpretations you make about these past experiences. However, after a while, we forget they are merely perceptions and begin to accept them as absolute truths. That is when they become commands embedded in our brain, and begin to determine how we live our life. While some of the beliefs actually empower us, many of them limit us at the same time. For example, beliefs like ‘I am bad at Math’, ‘I am a slow learner’, ‘I cannot relate well with others’, ‘I am lazy’ or ‘I am too young or too old’.

Well, how did we form our beliefs in the first place? Beliefs always begin as an idea that someone gives us or we give to ourselves. As we begin to experience more and more supporting evidences of that idea, the idea firms up to become a belief. And once it becomes a belief, we no longer question it. It becomes part of our internal operating system and drives our decision and behavior.

Anthony Robbins in his book Unlimited Power uses a table as a metaphor for our beliefs. When we first have an idea of something (for example, I am a slow learner), it is like having a table top with no legs to support it. At this stage, the idea is merely an opinion. It has not much power over us. Over time, if we start to experience evidences that support this idea, it is like adding legs to this tabletop. Soon, when enough of these legs (evidences) are added, we will have a solid table (a strong belief).

‘I Am Lousy At Math’…How I Formed that Idea at Age 7

For many years, I used to believe that ‘I was lousy at math’. That limiting belief prevented me from giving my very best in that subject. Like all beliefs, mine began as a simple idea when I struggled to understand multiplication tables as a young kid. At the age of seven, many of my cousins could easily rattle off the multiplication tables up to twelve times table. For some reason, I just could not understand what ‘multiply’ meant and so found it really tough to memorize the tables. Every time I got it wrong, my parents would get really disappointed and start drilling me. As both were busy during weekdays, weekend holidays became days for multiplication table drills. As a result, I started hating math and found it really painful. I couldn’t understand why is it that other kids can multiply and I can’t? From that day on, I began to form the idea that ‘I am lousy at Math’. Then one day in class, my teacher decided to test us all on our multiplication tables. Naturally most of my friends could rattle them off easily. When it came to my turn, I was asked to give the answer to ‘5×3’. I just stared and yelled out ‘8’! The whole class burst out laughing and called me ‘stupid’. This one experience gave me my first supporting evidence that ‘I was lousy at math’ and started to reinforce this idea into a belief. Sure enough I became withdrawn in all future math classes. I would daydream and not bother understanding what was going on. I would not bother doing my homework. What was the point? It was a ‘stupid subject’ and ‘I wouldn’t do well anyway.’ As a result, I got further and further behind the whole class. Naturally, I kept failing my monthly math tests, further reinforcing the belief that ‘I was lousy at math’. Once again, this added another leg to my table.

What further reinforced my belief was what my father said when I kept failing math. He told me not to worry as he himself failed math when he was a student. There was nothing I could do as I probably inherited his genes. That solidified my belief and stopped me from even trying to work out any problems, or studying for Math. Once again, my brain started adding another leg of evidence to my belief! The minute I was confronted with a tough problem, I would just quit. Whenever the teacher taught a concept that was confusing, I wouldn’t bother to figure it out. I had math tuition alright – but daydreamed through all the tuition sessions. Sure enough, after sometime that belief that I was lousy at math became absolutely real for me. I was firmly convinced that there was no way I would ever understand math, much less ever do well in it and I started dreading math classes and test days.

I AM LOUSY AT MATHS
Couldn’t understand multiplication Got answers wrong in class Failed all my math tests Father said it’s his genes

How I Started Collapsing this Limiting Belief

So, if we know that beliefs are nothing but limiting generalizations that hold us back, then how do we collapse them? How do we collapse the belief tables that have formed within our minds? The answer is to remove the legs that hold the table up! In other words, we must challenge the evidences that support the limiting belief. Once you remove the legs, the belief will collapse! So how do we go about challenging the evidences that hold our beliefs together? This was exactly what I did…And my life changed the moment I realized that being lousy in math was nothing but a limiting belief. It was only ‘a fact’ to me because I chose to believe it! I chose to generalize every experience into supporting this belief! I began to go back and challenge all the ‘supporting evidence’ that kept reinforcing my belief. I realized that many of the evidence that support our beliefs are nothing but our own interpretations of past experiences. They could mean a million other things! Many of the supporting evidence given by the people around us may also not even be credible.

The fact that I could not understand multiplication did not mean that I was lousy in math. It could simply mean that it was never taught to me in a way that I could understand. It could mean that I was not paying attention. The fact that I failed all my math tests may just mean that I did not bother to study & practice enough, or that I used the wrong strategy.

I also started to find counter examples to the evidence that I had lousy math genes. How? Well, I began to realize that many of my school friends who were good in math had parents who had little education and were daily wagers and bus drivers. Once I started questioning all these evidences, the legs of my table started being removed and this limiting belief fell apart! I then began to ask, ‘What would be a more empowering belief to have?’ ‘What would be a powerful belief that would drive me to do my best?’ I then came up with one ‘I am a math genius!’.

Couldn’t understand multiplication Got answers wrong in class + Failed all my math tests Father said it’s his genes
Change meaning >>>

It was not taught to me in a way which I could understand

Change meaning >>>

I did not study for it. I used the wrong strategy

Counter example >>>

Friends who did well in math had parents who didn’t finish school

From Math Bloke to a Math Genius – Starting with Just a New ‘Belief’

That new belief excited me. The trouble was that I had no evidences or examples to support this new belief. So what did I do? I began to create new evidences for myself. In class VII (secondary three), I began to go back and start working on math problems that I could handle at primary four (three grades below i.e in Class IV). When I started to get the hang of it, I would then proceed to secondary one (Class V), slowly building up my foundation and my confidence. When I started to solve problems, I began to reinforce this new belief. Of course, I was still far behind many of my classmates, but I was determined to catch up. Pretty soon, after lots of extra hours of drilling during my school holidays, I was able to handle all the math problems that most of my friends were studying. As I started to understand the concepts and was able to solve more and more problems, I had more and more references to support my new belief. What gave my new belief a super reinforcement was an experience I had when I got into secondary three (Class VII). At that time, we were going to take a new subject that was feared by everyone, Algebra. We were all told that it was an extremely difficult and that many people would fail it each year. When my friends went into the new class, they were already sabotaging their minds by buying this idea implanted by our seniors. Now, for some reason, I was the only one who decided to read up on the first chapter of this ‘super difficult subject’ the night before. Naturally, I didn’t understand everything I read, so I began asking my seniors and got a pretty clear idea about what this chapter on ‘quadratic equations’ was all about. The next day, as the new algebra teacher started lecturing, the whole class got lost somewhere in the middle of the abstract quadratic equations. Because I had read it up the night before, I was the only one who seemed to know what the teacher was talking about. Then the teacher asked for a volunteer to solve one of the problems on the board. Everyone looked at each other and started shaking their heads. I got up, went to the board and wrote out the workings to the problem. Everyone, including the teacher, was astonished. From all his past classes, no one could ever solve the quadratic equation problem on the first day. Because it was a brand new class and none of my new classmates knew of my background, everyone looked at me like I was some kind of genius. It felt really great and I started enjoying this new identity of being a ‘math whiz with distinction in algebra’. I started making a habit of reading ahead of the class, putting in extra effort in all my assignments and tests. Pretty soon, with all that hard work, I topped the whole class and went on to score 92% at the Final promotion examination. That one major experience finally shattered all my old limiting beliefs and solidified my new belief that ‘Math is easy’, and that ‘I am a math genius’. That is the awesome power of a belief change!

What Limiting Beliefs Do You Have?

So, think for a moment of all the beliefs that could have been limiting your life all these years. What beliefs do you have that could be preventing you from taking action and realizing your full potential? What are the beliefs you have about learning? About relationships? About money? About your own identity and capabilities? About your career or your business? I want you to take all the time you need and list down all the limiting beliefs that you have in the different areas of your life.

a Limiting Beliefs about My Identity & Capability

Do you believe in one or more of these?

I am too young? Too old? Not a good speaker? Lazy? Not smart enough?

Lack experience? Not qualified enough? Unlucky? Not cut out for business?

Lack the drive?

What do you believe that you can never achieve?

b Limiting Beliefs about Money

Do you believe that:

Money is the root of all evil? Money is difficult to earn?

To become rich you must be greedy? Money will give you more problems?

c Limiting Beliefs about Relationships & People

Do you believe in one or more of these?

Marriages rarely have happy endings? All men are unfaithful?

All women are unreasonable? People generally cannot be trusted?

d Limiting Beliefs about My Career or Business

Do you believe that:

The market is too saturated? Business is tough? It’s hard to make money in a recession? There are no opportunities out there? Something or someone stops me from getting promoted? I cannot increase my profits? I cannot expand my business?

Have you listed down all your limiting beliefs?

I want you to know that in order for you to change the quality of your life, you must first change these limiting beliefs. The difference between the exceptional, the average and the below average lie in the beliefs they have about themselves, and the people around them. Are you ready to begin eliminating these limiting beliefs and install empowering ones instead? Great! There are five major steps to changing your limiting beliefs.

Steps to Change Any Belief

As you read through the following five steps, I want you to participate actively in using the exercises to create the beliefs changes that you desire. Out of the list of limiting beliefs you have made, choose three major beliefs to work on first. Let’s get started…

1 Choose to Find a Strong Enough Reason to Change the Belief

The first step to changing a belief is to first find a strong enough reason to change. Many of us do not change because we are in a situation where although we are not satisfied with the results we are getting, yet it is not painful enough for us to want to change. So we have to create enough reasons for ourselves to change. What is extremely powerful is to think of what this limiting belief has cost us in our life and will continue to cost us in the future.

Remember that we are all driven by emotions and not by logic. You can have all the logical reasons why you must change, but you never will until you create the images in your mind and feel strong enough emotions to want to change. So, next to each of your limiting beliefs, I want you to think and write down the price that you have paid for holding on to these beliefs. How have these beliefs cost you in the past? For example, if you have a belief that you ‘don’t have enough experience’, it may have prevented you from taking on a challenging and rewarding project, earning a promotion, taking advantage of a business opportunity etc. How will these beliefs continue to limit you in the future? I also want you to think, ‘If I continue to hold on to these beliefs, how would they limit me in the future? What would they prevent me from achieving?’ Keep writing down all the reasons why you must change each of these beliefs until you reach an internal breaking point where you feel emotionally strong enough to want to make that change. So grab a pen, and start working on ONE of your major limiting beliefs now!

 

Limiting Belief: (State it)

 

1.2 How this belief has cost me in the past? What price have you paid for holding on to this limiting belief? (Write your answer)

 

How could this belief cost you in the future? What would it prevent you from achieving? (Write your answer)

 

Challenge the ‘Evidences’ that Support the Limiting Belief

 

 

The next step is to begin analyzing each of your limiting beliefs and begin challenging all the so-called evidences that support it. Remember, we need to remove the legs that hold your belief up. You will find eventually that these evidences are nothing but generalizations and misinterpretations you have made about past experiences. First, you must find the evidences that store up your belief. You can do so by asking the followings set of questions.

1) How did I first create this belief?

2) What makes me believe that this is true?

Next, challenge the evidences by asking

1) ‘What else can this mean?’

2) ‘Is there a counter example?’

3) ‘How credible is this person giving me the belief?’

For example, I found out that my belief that ‘I was lousy in math’ came from three evidences: my not being able to understand multiplication sums, failing my math tests and my dad telling me that it was in the genes. By analyzing these ‘evidences’, I begin to change the meanings of these experiences. My not understanding multiplication could simply mean that I was not taught in a way which I could understand, instead of meaning that I was slow. My failing my math test could mean that I did not pay attention in class and did not study for it, and not because I am inherently lousy at math. And my dad was certainly not a credible source to affirm that I have no aptitude for math just because he hated the subject. I then found many counter examples where I had friends whose parents were not at all academically bright, but they were brilliant. So, let’s start doing the same thing for your limiting belief. Do the next part of this exercise now!

2.1 How did I first create this belief?

2.2 What are the evidences that support this limiting belief?

2.3 How can I challenge and break these evidences? What else could it mean? Is there a counter example? How credible is this source?

3 Create a New Empowering Belief

Once you have shaken the foundations of the limiting belief, you must then create a new empowering belief to replace the old limiting one. What belief would be useful in empowering you to take action? For example, if the old belief was, ‘I am too young to start a business’, the new belief can be ‘Youth means sharpness and energy in business’ or ‘young people make better business people because they are more flexible, more open to new ideas and ready to take risks’. If your limiting belief is, ‘I’m too old to start…’ look for all the examples of those who changed careers at 40 or even 50 plus and went onto become roaring successes. Or took up a daredevil sport that even people half their age dare not attempt. And install the new belief that ‘Maturity means sounder judgment, more understanding, and more wisdom.’ Write down your new empowering belief now.

3.1 My New Empowering Belief: (State your new empowering belief)

4 Create New Evidences to Support this Belief

Once you have created a new belief, find new evidence to support this new belief. ‘Were there times in the past when this belief would have been true?’ For example, if you want to adopt the belief that ‘I am a fast learner’, was there a time in the past when you were very fast at learning a new skill? ‘Are there any examples you can see in other people?’ For every belief you have, you can definitely find evidences to support it. Look in books, go on the internet. For example, when I wanted to install the belief that ‘very young people can start a business and become successful’, I did considerable research and found that quite a number of highly successful entrepreneurs started out, with no money, at a very young age. If you cannot find any evidences at all, make it up! That’s right. The mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is clearly imagined. This was exactly what Roger Banister did when he set out to break the world’s record in distance running. Find and write down all the evidences you can find that will support this new belief.

4.1 New Evidences to Support My New Belief are: (State them)

5 Future Pace and Associate All the Benefits of Having this New Belief

Finally, I want you to take some time and use the power of visualization to install this new empowering belief. I want you to close your eyes and bring yourself into the future. How would you behave differently with this new empowering belief? What would you go for that you didn’t in the past? What new decisions would you make differently? How would you benefit from this new belief? Think about it a year from now. Two years from now. Five years from now. Ten years from now. Write down all the ways you will benefit from having this new empowering belief.

5.1 By Adopting this New Belief, I will make the following new decisions and take the following actions. (State those decisions and actions)

5.2 By Adopting this New Belief, I would benefit in the following ways. (State the benefits)

So, anytime you want to change a limiting belief or assist someone else in breaking free from their mental mindsets, refer to these five major steps. Let’s move on to the secret of peak performance…in the next article.

(I facilitate Thought Leaders, Change Makers; Professionals & Business Owners translate NLP concepts into actions to achieve and elicit personal excellence. I conduct NLP Lifestyle Coaching Certification programs for individuals, corporate and celebrity clients. We will introduce ‘The Secret Of Peak Performance’ in the next article and after that you will come to know in subsequent articles, how you can utilise concepts of NLP+ in all walks of your life to replicate the success blueprint of a winner mindset to win through life.  So, stay tuned every Monday & Saturday and fasten your seat belt to ‘Enhance Your Lifestyle With NLP+’)

My #1 Amazon Best Selling book ‘Awaken The Incredible Within – Incredible Is The New Giant’ is available at Amazon in English at  http://bit.ly/Awaken-The-Incredible-Within

Shantanu Das Sharma, Creator of the concept NLP Lifestyle Coaching with NLP+, Founder of Neuromind Leadership Academy is an Amazon #1 Best Selling Author, NLP Lifestyle Master Trainer & Coach, Clean Language Facilitator & Strategic Interventionist.  

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